2002-01-28
9:34 p.m.

"Mornings alone. When you come home I breath a little faster. Every time we're together. It'd never be the same if you're not here. How can you stay away, away so long? Why can't we stay together? Give me a reason. I don't wanna say it. I don't wanna find another way to make it through the day without you."
~ Jon Secada, Just Another day

I couldn't believe it. I walked up to the student link, and there he was, walking out of the glass doors like always. I just couldn't believe it, I could hardly breathe, but he gave me a big hug. I just told him how much I missed him. We walked inside and I gave John the peppermint tea I promised him. I just wouldn't let go. I had to go to the bathroom though, and I thought I had to go to work in the student life office, so I told him to come see me there. After not finding Barbara, I came back, and he was gone.

Other than that the last few days have been fairly uneventful. I have been feeling unmotivated and tired, not miserable, but not exactly chipper either. Though yesterday, my dad invited my mom over for dinner, and I was thrilled.

I know that we make our own drama, our own catastrophes, but I feel like I have no control over my emotions. It's just all gobbly-gook where my heart once was, and I'm trying to rebuild it vien by vien with each passing day. Let's hope I'm finished soon.

I'm writing another story, this time it's about Howie, what else? Though I think I am beginning to sound more and more like a cheap romance novel every day. Take this simple phrase: "No one could have imagined my astonishment and fleeting happiness at your return, if only for a moment. You kissed me on the lips before you left, and I wanted so much to just open my mouth, let you inside, but of course, I did no such thing. Didn’t you ever wonder what it would feel like to take all of each other for, once, not just a miniature sample of what was possible?" Pretty damn bad, huh? Parts of the story don't really seem that bad though. Who knows? It may turn out.