2001-09-07
11:11 p.m.

I'm still exhausted, but I had a pretty interesting day with everyone in student government. I think Howie was flirting with me.... a lot. But here's the wierd thing. I have a suspicion that he might be gay too! I'm getting mixed signals. He said he was going to go down to the gay/lesbian youth center here in town to meet with some people, and he had mentioned that he had been to the gay pride parade. But couldn't it just mean that he's a suporter of the gay/lesbian community? Do gay guys still flirt with girls? I don't think Fox ever flirts with me. Maybe Howie's bi? Can guys be bi? Maybe I'm making to big a deal out of this. I'm kind of confused.

He really was flirting with me, I think. The main thing that threw me off was, he asked me if I wanted a piggy back ride! We were walking to the front of the campus, and he just randomly put it out there. Then, he said something about wanting to levitate me....When my shoes came untied, he tied them for me...... He was blocking the sun from my eyes while we were waiting outside, and I leaned up against him becacuse I was so tired. I aplogized, and he said it was okay, and snuggled against me..... He rubbed my shoulders, and was patting my back all day.... He kept laughing at me......Plus, when my dad came to pick me up, I hugged him to thank him for everything. He hugged me back and kissed me on the cheek.... Is he just being a nice guy like I am trying to convince myself, or is he flirting? I'm just going to roll with it, I guess. What happens, happens.

I know I'm very much attracted to him but I'm pretty much attracted to any guy's who's nice to me. Well, I'm not attracted to Fox. But that's different.... Of course, if I were a gay guy, I'd jump him..... Well, I digress. I'm not attracted to Chris or Marquito from student government either.... Okay, so I'm not attracted to every guy I meet. Yay me! But anyway. It's so strange, because when I talk, well, when anyone talks, it's like Howie really listens. But with me, it's like he's looking through me or something. Like the world is only in my eyes. That sounds kind of cliche, but I don't really care....

I promised myself I wouldn't crush over anyone, or become interested in anyone else, or anytjing, ever again, and it kind of pisses me off that I have the potential to fall again. I'm trying really hard not to though. I'm trying to take on the "Whatever" attitude. Plus, he's 29. He's really old for me; ten years difference.

My luck, I'm going to go have sex dreams about him now, but at least I'll be gettin' some in my dreams... Ha ha.