2002-03-11
2:03 a.m.

"Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny. And you can't move on even though you try? Ain't it strange when your feeling things you shouldn't feel. Oh, I wish this could be real... Sometimes I think that a true love can never be. I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me. Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain. And I don't think that I could face it all again."
~Jennifer Lopez, Ain't It Funny

I'm pretty tired, but I thought I'd write a quick entry before I went to bed.

Though Beth and I just sat at my house and talked on Thursday, it was still great to see her. I just wish she still lived here so we could be even closer. She's getting married on February 15, next year. I am still having trouble believing it. Beth deserves every good thing she gets.

On Friday, I did Student Government stuff. Most everyone liked the letter I wrote advocating for the Lost Boys of Sudan, but Audery tore it apart. There always has to be one unhappy person in the group. I didn't care too much though. This leter wasn't nearly as close to my heart as my story was.

On Monday evening TZ is having a dinner at her house so the Student Government members can get to know the Lost Boys better. Also, I told John I'd help out with some tours on Tuesday during spring break. Plus, my dad is taking off later in the week, so I'm set for awhile.

Nassim came over again today to download some songs for a CD she's making. It was good to see her, though her lack of motivation sometimes gets to me. I can't really do anything about it though. She loves me. I can't ask for anything more.

My mom is doing a lot better now that Mark is home from Arkansas. Even though the man drinks too much, and I have some big problems with the man, he keeps my mom company, and I have to be grateful to him for that.

I'm still missing Howie like crazy. I just have no idea how to let him go, but I am trying really hard. Am I just going to continue missing him like this? I suppose so. As I probably have mentioned before, this longing for Howie has almost made me forget about the guilt and shame I felt before he came along. Though I don't know if he helped me get rid of it, or if my feelings for him just helped to cover it up. I suppose I'll find out eventually, when he fades completely from my life, as I know he will.