2002-01-10
4:19 p.m.

"These precious things. Let them bleed. Let them wash away. Let them break their hold on me..."
~Tori Amos, Precious Things

I went to a student government meeting today, and when I got done with that I gave Fox his birthday gifts: A Tori Amos B-Sides CD, a cookie tin, and I let him barrow my Harry Potter book. He was so happy, and I was so glad to be able to make him smile!

Then, I went to the career center to see John and J.P. They were glad to see me, and J.P. gave me a big hug! But here's the thing. Howie called John while I was there. This is what I'm thinking. If Howie has enough money and enough time to call John, why isn't he calling me? I guess I'm not as important as he tells me I am, or I'm not as important as I thought I was. Of course, I didn't get to ask him. John hung up before I was able to talk to him. My mom and my dad think that I will see him again. They say they think I'm important enough. I have been trying not to get my hopes up, and I really don't think I'll see him again, but I have also been hoping that I'm wrong. But I guess not. Meri said that Howie's probably just closer to John, but then why would he tell me he loves me so much, and tell me how amazing I am? I don't think he says those things to John. And anyway, I want to be the one he calls first.